What next?

Many have been affected by the "downfall" of some of the home-school leaders.  Some have followed them making their convictions their own, some trusted their children to them, some have been personally affected by them.

Here's part of my story.  I had a time in my life where I thought I had to do all sorts of things, "rituals" to be a Christian.  Not just be a Christian, but for God to love me.  Then I got married.  It so happened that I married a guy who loves God and loves me unconditionally.  It was through his love and him pointing me to Christ and the Word that I was able to begin to see Jesus's unconditional love for me.

Shortly after I was married, I had all of these "convictions" come slamming me in the face with the question:  Why?  Yes, I could proudly quote all sorts of verses and catch phrases I had been taught about why I'm doing what I'm doing, but deep down, why was I doing all of this stuff?  Why did I dress the way I dressed, talk the way I talked, listen to only a certain kind of music, attend conferences religiously, etc, etc, etc, (you get the point).

I started searching the scripture for myself, talking to my husband and if "it" wasn't in there, then it was someone's personal conviction I was trying to live out.  If it's someone else's conviction and not mine, those are the ones that went by the wayside.  If it was in the Bible, then it was and is mine.  I'm still a work in progress.

I will say this though: during the time before all of this, God was real to me - really real.  I just wish I would have listened to Him when he was trying to show me He loved me - not all my "convictions".  There were several times that I was following "the steps" for happiness and good fortune and then... bad things happened.  I remembered one specifically from the past.

I woke up and was getting ready for work, I worked in a laboratory and had to wear all white.  So I got my white skirt on, my white XL t-shirt on (I was probably a small or a med back then) and off I went into my truck.  I turned on the music I was told would help me not be rebellious in the truck and traveled down the road with my brother.  I thought well I've done everything I'm supposed to be doing - I read my bible the night before, I prayed down the list, I wore modest clothing, no make-up, long hair (just like in the bible!).  Then it happened, I hit a sheet of ice and my truck went spinning.  I landed (thankfully) on the other side of the road in the grass.  I remembered thinking to myself, why did this happen??  I've done all the good deeds, been the person I should be, and I thought God's deal was to "protect" me from anything scary happening.  Maybe it was because of my thought life...so off to *confession* I went.  (my poor parents having to listen to all this! lol looking back, I was just a normal human being)

 I'm grateful that nothing really did happen, and I'm grateful that ultimately I was protected.  That lifestyle produced those kinds of questions even when small things happened.  I would check, re-check, and triple check what I was doing to make sure I wasn't doing something wrong.

Fast forward to this past year.  My brother had a head on collision with a school bus.  With that type of thinking I would have lost my mind.  Instead, God planned this for our family.  He planned this for Mark.  He had Marks days numbered from conception.  Mark didn't follow anyone else's convictions.  He followed Jesus.  His music was a huge part of his life, and no, it didn't have the "right" tempo, the singers sing with their heart not their voice.  Mark also put off the "looks".  Trust me had had good looks, but he didn't try to make people think he was something he wasn't.  He didn't wear everything I would have thought before constituted a Godly man.  He may or may not have had "eye traps"...haha he couldn't help it. (he would be so happy I was posting about his looks)  He didn't major on the minor.  He had things happen in his life that shaped him into who he was, it wasn't all cupcakes and candy.  He focused on making Christ known.  I love that He loved Jesus - with everything in him.  This is where I'm headed.

Folks, it's not about the music, about the dress, about the outer man.  It's about the heart and soul of a person.  It's about what you are doing from here and forward to serve the Lord.  It's about building your life and convictions around the truth of God's Word because YOU know that's where it is.

So the question I started with: What next?

How will you start to rebuild your life around the truth of God's word and His love for you and lost souls?

Feel free to share how you're doing this or how you've done this.


PS if you are truly living out your convictions and it looks a lot like what I was doing in the past, then you best be doing what God wants you to be doing.  No one knows what that looks like, except you.  I'm not here to make you or anyone feel bad, but to encourage people to look forward and move closer to Jesus.